So i was washing my Bentley Azure Convertible Mulliner in my driveway with a Mr Clean Auto Dry Carwash kit when a large african man approached me, introducing himself as Angweng (meaning born during the time of white ants). He claimed he was with the Mozambique Prize Patrol, going on to say I had been selected in a raffle to receive several goats and a colobus monkey named Fogo (meaning "high"). Intrigued, i asked if the colobus monkey had any special skills which would be of use to me. No sooner did the words come out of my mouth did Angweng hurl a spear directly at my face. Diving out of the way, i quickly hopped into my Bentley and sped towards him, powersliding to a stop. I yelled for Fogo to get in. The Colobus monkey spit in Angweng's face and hopped into the passengers seat. Angweng took serious offense to this and mounted one of the goats (first sexually, then to ride). The chase began. I weaved in and out of traffic trying to lose him, but he handled the goat with such grace and finesse it almost brought a tear to my eye. I glanced over at Fogo, who broke out a bag of weed and was tearing a page out of my Bentleys manual for paper. Angweng was gaining on us, and fast. I began making sharp turns, speeding through the city with the african on a goat hurling spears. One hit my tire, causing the car to flip, rolling over several times before crashing through the window of a bodega. I crawled out of the car, peering through the smoke and dust i could see Angweng standing by his goat in the middle of the street. Fogo remained in the wrecked car, still toking. Making my way through the rubble, i slowly approached Angweng, the words my mother told me as a toddler echoing in my head. "The only way to defeat an African is to face him." This is it. My day of reckoning. The day i finally become a man. October 19, 2005, in the year of our Lord. I lunged at Angweng, tackling him to the ground. Without wasting time, i began pummeling him. At first fueled by fear, but as i beat him my strength came from anger. Even after there was little recognizable in Angweng's face i continued to swing my fists. I dont think i would have stopped, had i not spyed an image out of the corner of my eye. It was Fugo. He had climbed out of the wreckage during my rampage and witnessed the entire ordeal. A single tear rolled down his furry cheak. It was then i realized what i had become. Fogo grew up in the jungle. He witnessed the primitive actions of many a wild beast. He left to escape it, hoping to find a better life in America. Instead he finds that even man, when thrown into barbaric situations, can regress to animalistic rage. Disconcerted, Fugo hailed a cab. As i saw his little monkey head fade away as the cab drove off, i realized what i had lost. Not just a colobus monkey, but a friend.
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Originally Posted by Bartuc
